b Papa Dog's Blog: A Sudden Rise in My Quality of Life Index Ranking

Papa Dog's Blog

A Thing Wherein I Infrequently Write Some Stuff

Thursday, February 10, 2005

A Sudden Rise in My Quality of Life Index Ranking

I don’t know how long I’ve had the computer I have at work – not the sort of thing I obsessively keep track of – but for however long it’s been I’ve always assumed it lacked a sound card. I was issued a set of headphones at one point, and thought it was just a cruel management joke. I plugged the headphones in, looked at film clips on the Internet – nada. Silent film, for all I could tell. Because this wasn’t exactly a high priority I shrugged, put headphones back in their protective wrapper, and tossed them over in the dark corner of my desk where they remained for a couple of years storing up potential energy.

A couple of weeks ago I had the IT/network/systems/whatever they call themselves these days guy come over to fix a problem it turned out (kind of predictably) that he’d created in the first place. At one point when he was repairing the damage he’d wrought, there was a bit of a pause while we waited for something or other to happen. To fill the silence and pass the time, I mentioned the sub-utile headphones and – milagro! – he had something worthwhile to say. Apparently, there’s a jack in the back of the CPU the things are supposed to plug into. The jack in the front is for – well, he didn’t say what it was for, though I’d already eliminated “headphones” as a possibility. My guess is it’s just there for show, to fool government authorities or industrial spies or something.

Anyway, I was so excited about the possibility of using the headphones at work that I rushed right out and two weeks later I remembered to bring in some CDs. Yesterday I finally remembered to take the CDs out of my briefcase around four in the afternoon, and now I’m finally sold for all time. The cheapass little headphones lack the wondrous world-muffling properties of the headphones that Mama Dog got me to ensure she’d never have to hear the theme song from Enterprise (not that she need worry – I always fast-forward over it), but they’ll do, pig, they’ll do. Snug in my little world where all I can hear is an old Waterboys album (‘cause what’s the point in ever buying a CD that I didn’t used to own on vinyl?), I almost forget that I’m seated with my back to a hallway and that the incessant titter of la vache qui rit would be audible if I dared take the things off my head. I was reminded of the scene in Face/Off where the little kid is in the middle of a fierce gun battle, but all he can hear is Oblivious Neutron Bomb’s particularly treacly version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow because his lesbian showgirl mom took the time to pop a Walkman on his head before the shooting began. Yes, indeed. My quality of life in the workplace has soared in the last two days.

In other news – thanks to those who responded my stupid Blogshares plea, albeit by buying Papa Dog stock rather than linking to the faversham. Actually, everybody who bought the stock already has a link to me, so thanks doubly. A little flurry of transactions by Daily Cud, Anton Musial, and the piquantly named Arnold Sphinkter brought Papa Dog, Inc. up in spittin’ distance of B$100/share, and I must declare myself satisfied. Looking to go any higher would just be greedy.

In the meantime, my own personal portfolio on Blogshares has risen up to over B$400,000. That’s from a stake of B$500 two months ago. If only it were real money.

And in other other news – apparently, you people like pulp in your orange juice. What the hell is wrong with you?


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