b Papa Dog's Blog: Tall Guys Standing Sideways at the Little Man Urinal

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Monday, April 11, 2005

Tall Guys Standing Sideways at the Little Man Urinal

There are two stand-up urinals in the men’s room at my office. One is a standard-issue wall-mounted urinal. The other is hung a good six to eight inches lower. I call that one the little man urinal. I always use the regular urinal because the little man urinal is just too disconcertingly low. I feel like I might pee on the handle or something.

Over the years when telling work stories to Mama Dog, I had for some reason a tendency to describe orkers in terms of size and ethnicity/nationality. There was, for example, “The Little Greek Guy” and “The Little French Guy.” There was a revolving cast of characters known as “The Big American Guy,” “The Regular-Sized American Guy,” or “The Tall American Guy,” though those labels never really stuck to any one American Guy. Eventually I noticed that whenever I went to the bathroom and saw an orker I had described as “The Little” Whatever, he would always be using the little man urinal. It stands to reason, I suppose, but it hadn’t occurred to me before then. Big guys can overcome the fear of peeing on the handle and choose to use one urinal or the other as availability allows. The little guys are pretty much stuck with the little man urinal unless they want to pee on their tippytoes.

Today I had another one of those bathroom incidents where I didn’t ask the question that maybe I should have. On two separate occasions during the day, I walked into the men’s room and found Tall American Guys (a different one each time) standing at the little man urinal. Generally, if I see a Tall Guy at the little man urinal, I assume it’s because some other Guy was at the regular urinal when he showed up. Both of these Tall American Guys, though, were facing the pisser at a 45-degree angle. That is, they were angled so that they’d be more or less facing the guy in the next urinal. As you know if you’re a guy, that just doesn’t happen. I suppose if I had come across a third Tall American Guy posed that way during the day, it would have been different. If it happens three times, you know it’s a pattern. With only two, I don’t know if these are just two weird guys or if there’s something going on I don’t know about. With a third Tall Guy pissing low and side-saddle, I might have asked if there was some new office policy and I had missed the email. Probably not, though. If I had trouble asking “How come you were filling your hat up in the bathroom?” to the codger that time, “Hey, excuse me, how come you’re pissing sideways at the little man urinal?” seems unlikely to roll trippingly off my tongue.


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