b Papa Dog's Blog: More Songs About Buildings and Bums

Papa Dog's Blog

A Thing Wherein I Infrequently Write Some Stuff

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

More Songs About Buildings and Bums

As I’ve mentioned before, I spent my post-parents’ house pre-Mama Dog years without regular medical care. Since 2000 or so I was seeing a physician annually, when suddenly – poof! – her practice evaporated and the doctors scattered to the wind. That was last year sometime. We’ve now finally got ourselves a new regular MD, and today I went for my first appointment.

I’ve arrived at that magic age, 40, when a young man’s fancy turns to his prostate. Or rather, a young man’s doctor’s fancy turns thereto. Accordingly, I was very concerned when heading out for my appointment that I was going to round out the morning with a finger up my ass. It was a short but tension-filled bus ride, and sure enough the subject did come up in the course of my appointment. Imagine my surprise and relief when I learned that they’re screening for prostate cancer with blood tests now. Wonderful what they can do nowadays! The doctor talked briefly about the test, the pros and cons of using a blood exam as the screening tool, how there’s some debate over the merit of this method, but their practice thinks it’s a swell diagnostic tool and so on and so forth. Then he paused expectantly. Like he thought I needed a moment to mull it over. Dude, I’m an uptight straight guy! Jab me with all the needles you want. Let me be your pincushion. Just keep your digits out of my bum.

So, not much really happened. I got the lab slip for the blood test, which I’ll take after the holidays. I found out my blood pressure and temperature are both in the optimal range, which is nice considering there’s a little cold going around our household right now. I was weighed, and apparently the shoes I had on were about ten pounds each. I stressed that I’ve already resolved to re-exert dietary will and discipline in the new year, though I don’t specifically plan to go back on the Weight Watchers. And eventually I had them get my name right in their computer.

I had a return transfer, but the day was mild and I didn’t feel like waiting for the bus, so I walked home. It’s just a fifteen minute walk after all, and my intent to reduce the larditry of my ass was still fresh in my mind. Plus – and this can’t be overemphasised – the spring in my step was at least partly inspired by the absence of foreign objects in and around my sphincter. And joyeux noel to you!

Tomorrow we hit the road for the Ho Ho visit to Saint Babs. Last time we did this I was able to post every day, but I make no guarantee this time. I'll certainly give it my best shot, but road rules will be in play.


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