b Papa Dog's Blog: Sourpuss

Papa Dog's Blog

A Thing Wherein I Infrequently Write Some Stuff

Wednesday, May 04, 2005


I hear tell people have landed in trouble and even been fired for blogging about their workplace. Well, heck, why didn’t anybody tell me that before? I’m the sole means of support for Mama Dog and Baby Dog, and I can’t afford to get shitcanned just because I made fun of some cow-orker on this faversham. With that in mind, I hereby resolve to never again write of my own workplace herein.

So I’ve got this friend. Let’s call him Dapa Pog. The first thing you have to understand about Dapa Pog is that he’s a totally different person from me, and he works at a completely different company.* The place he works at is ZCX Corporation, formerly known as Broads Etc. Dapa Pog was telling me how, through his years at ZCX Corporation, there have been a number of orkers whose identity he could always divine when they approached behind his back. The erstwhile admin staff supervisor, for example, always wore a perfume that preceded her by several cubicle lengths; there is RHR, an old veteran who wears a similarly annunciatory cologne; and Dapa Pog speaks most bitterly of the one he calls C the MH, whose perfume not only heralds her approach but causes eyes to tear and skin to blister.

Not all of Dapa Pog’s orkers can be easily tracked by smell. One in particular – whom he refers to as C the DUOA – makes her presence known through a signature sound. Specifically, a sigh. When Dapa Pog is working away at his computer and hears behind him the sound of someone plopping heavily into a chair followed by the sound of a bitter but apparently involuntary exhalation, he knows that C the DUOA has arrived. The effect of the sound is to suggest that wherever she finds herself, C the DUOA is unhappy to have arrived there. All places in the office evoke this signal sound of irritation and disappointment. Dapa Pog says he sympathises, and is also generally disappointed to find himself anywhere in the office, but he tries to keep his annoyance internal. If you watch 24, she’s kind of like Chloe, only old.

The other day – so Dapa Pog has told me – his office of ZCX Corporation presented the first of a series of quarterly awards for outstanding staff achievement. Festivities were held in the reception area. There was wine and there was beer. The staff gathered to get all liquored up before closing time. The fellow Dapa Pog calls D the AE was the master of ceremonies and presenter of the awards. When it came time to give the award for outstanding admin staff, it was pretty much a foregone conclusion that it would go to C the DUOA. For most of the previous quarter, owing to staff shuffles and vacations, C had been the sole Administrative Assistant for the entire office, and had put in a heinous lot of extra hours. D the AE gave a long teasing build-up, describing the winner without naming her. When he finally got to C’s name, everyone looked around and realised she wasn’t there. D the AE was left holding a plaque and a gift certificate out to empty air.

The receptionist called around and tracked down C. Of course. She was busy and had better things to do than stand around waiting for some stupid award to be presented. The receptionist urged her to come over. The gift certificate, after all, was worth $250. The assembled staff milled and muttered for a few minutes. Finally, C the DUOA rounded a corner of the rat maze and shuffled into the reception area. Applause broke out. C scowled. Without speaking or acknowledging anyone, she strode quickly over to D the AE, grabbed the proffered items, sighed in irritation, and walked away. Dapa Pog says she never stopped moving, but just grabbed the plaque and gift certificate on the run.

Dapa Pog’s a man who likes to think he has a bad attitude. But, he admits, he could learn a few things from C the DUOA.**
*Also, his wife, Dama Mog is a completely different person from my wife. He has a daughter named Daby Bog – nothing at all like mine. Strangely, his dog is also named Doggy Dog, but that’s still totally different from my dog, because in this case, the D from “Dog” has been moved to the start of “Doggy,” and the “D” from “Doggy” has gone to the start of “Dog.”
**If you're curious, I can tell you what all these mysterious acronyms stand for. That is, what Dapa Pog says they stand for. But I can't do it on the faversham for fear of retaliation. To Dapa Pog. Who's not me.


Blogger Judy said...

That would bother me quite a bit - the lack of appreciativeness for the recognition.

Hope Dapa Pog doesn't get into trouble for sharing his work stories with you! :-)

8:10 AM  
Blogger ArakSOT said...

Mysterious acronyms = Seinfeld names?

10:33 AM  

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