b Papa Dog's Blog: My Annual Obsession Over Little Gold Bald Dudes

Papa Dog's Blog

A Thing Wherein I Infrequently Write Some Stuff

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

My Annual Obsession Over Little Gold Bald Dudes

So, the nominations for the 77th Annual Festival of Mediocrity have been announced. We thought, what with the newfound responsibilities of child-rearing and all, that we wouldn’t have seen many of the nominated features, but we’ve managed better than I would have expected. Of the thirteen films nominated in the top five categories (Picture, Director, Actors), I’ve seen seven and Mama Dog has seen six. The ones we’ve seen include multiple nominees like Sighed Weighs and The A-V Ate Her, so with just a little catch-up we might actually be conversant with the field by awards night.

I was glad to find myself just familiar enough with the year in films to feel a little of the comfortable old outrage at the inexplicable caprices of the Academy. Like, how in the hell is Paul Giamatti not on the list of Best Actors? They manage to correctly identify the movie as one of the year’s five best, but they don’t condescend to recognise its central performance? So they could make room for what? Johnny fucking Depp again? I’d say “Don’t get me started,” but I guess it’s too late for that.

Anyway, as those of you not new to the Papa Dog experience know, I run an Oscar pool every year. The great thing about an Oscar pool – I think – is that it does what would seem to be otherwise impossible: it makes Oscar night exciting! Without a pool, the Oscar telecast is four hours of schmaltz and tedium. But put your sawbuck down on Uncle Papa Dog’s Patented Old-Time Oscar Pool Pick-Me-Up Jamboree, and there you’ve got yourself the whirlwind thrill ride combination of cinema and gambling. Suddenly, every category matters! You care which Live Action Short wins, even though you never heard of any of them until you filled out your ballot! There are no boring spots the whole night long!* This year for the first time I’ll be taking ballots over the Internet, so all you virtual acquaintances can join in if you like. Haven’t got all the details worked out at press time, but if you’re keen to join in, post a comment or send me an email. Chris Rock’s going to host! Maybe it won’t suck!
*With the obvious exceptions of the opening production number, the reading of the rules, the stuff about who won at the technical awards dinner the previous week, the presentation of the Thalberg, Jean Hersholt, or other honourary awards, the Best Song dance numbers, most of the speeches, the lame jokes being read by presenters off the teleprompter, any tribute to anything, the montage of the dead, and anything to do with Whoopi Goldberg. Okay, honestly, it’s still pretty boring. But really, you perk up every time an award is actually presented, even if it’s for something you’re not sure of the definition of, like Sound Editing.


Blogger RachelleCentral said...

The Oscars are never broadcast here live, so I usually end up taping them and fast forwarding. The only way to do it, really, even though occasionally you miss a good comment by a winner. (Like the time a documentary film maker one and said something like, "This dress cost me more than the entire movie!" It was funny at the time, especially compared to the other blah speeches.)

What's the fun of an Oscar pool when it's always sooooo obvious who's going to win? I haven't even seen any of the movies and I already know who's going to win.

Did you know that oscar nominee Cate Blanchett is also from Melbourne? our little claim to fame...

1:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget that I'm already paid up for this year's contest.

paul Anonymous

7:56 PM  

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