b Papa Dog's Blog: In Which I Get a Little Grumpy

Papa Dog's Blog

A Thing Wherein I Infrequently Write Some Stuff

Friday, December 09, 2005

In Which I Get a Little Grumpy

As near as we can piece the situation together, sometime in the last couple of weeks one of our neighbours has started carpooling. Ordinarily this would be of little interest or concern to me, but it turns out our neighbour’s carpooling partner is a – oh, what’s the polite term? – douche bag. Specifically, it’s the kind of rude-ass douche bag who announces its presence in a residential neighbourhood before 6 a.m. by honking. If our neighbour doesn’t come out immediately, the douche bag does the sensible thing and honks again. If that doesn’t achieve the desired result, it changes tactics and, you guessed it, honks some more. The worst thing about all this is that the honking has lately been occurring about five minutes before my alarm is going to go off. It was bad enough last week when this asshole was waking us up an hour before the alarm – then at least we had a fighting chance of going back to sleep. Now we’re being robbed of our last five minutes of sleep. There’s something extra insulting about that to me.

Last night was particularly rough because Baby Dog also decided to wake us up around one in the morning. It took Mama Dog and I four alternating shifts to achieve a lasting peace, only to have this honky douche bag wake us back up again at 5:55.

Yesterday, I got up and looked out right after the honks to see where they were coming from, so at least we know which neighbour is indirectly making our lives miserable. We’re not quite sure what to do about it, though. We don’t really have much rapport with anybody on the block, and I’ve never so much as exchanged hellos with this particular neighbour. It’s tough breaking the ice with a complaint. I have it in mind to get up even earlier one day this week, wait outside for the honker, and intervene before the honking begins. I can’t imagine what I’d say, though. I mean, I can imagine it, but I don’t think I’d be able to say, “Hi, excuse me, you rude-ass douche bag, but instead of honking that horn in this quiet residential neighbourhood before six in the fucking morning, do you suppose you could maybe shove it up your ass sideways and try farting a honk out of it?” And even if I could say that, I imagine there’s some part of it that in some way violates some good neighbour policy. You know, like honking before six in the fucking morning.


Anonymous Anonymous Mama Dog D. said...

Thanks for creating a public forum in which to discuss our problem about the fucking early-morning neighborhood honker.

Unlike Papa Dog, I've spoken to and had friendly conversations with every neighbor on our block - except for the fucking honker house. I already have preconceived ill feelings toward this house, as once on its owner's lawn, I found a dead cat decaying in the grass. Another time, Doggy Dog chased a rat that was scurrying in their yard. (Must be some repugnant-ass shit inside!)

I was thinking that perhaps the best thing to do would be to write a polite note stating the problem, then suggesting a solution. But, it occurs to me that the residents of the asshole house might be illiterate. My coworker suggested that we wait it out - that maybe the person's car is in the shop and s/he needs to carpool w/ the honking asshold only temporarily. Maybe I'll just go over and talk to them.

This whole situation is the result of poor ettiquette - ultimately - someone not thinking about how their behaviour effects others.

I can't imagine how world peace will ever be achieved when one fucking household on my block makes me want to go on a shooting spree.

8:30 AM  
Blogger Judy said...

Sorry - but I think this is hysterical! Thank you for the smile!

I wish I had some insight for you, perhaps you can brainstorm with a few of the other neighbors? You all can't be the only ones affected by this!

3:10 PM  

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